Why don’t I feel like myself in another language?
Sometimes I want to switch to Serbian for just one sentence. There is a word, or a way of saying something, that gets right to what I mean. I can explain it in English, but it takes longer, and even then it may not quite land.
If you live abroad and use another language every day, you may know this feeling. You can have the conversation. You understand each other, mostly. But afterwards, you’re still thinking about what you wanted to say.
Maybe the other person understood your point, but not how much it mattered to you. Or you sounded more serious, less funny, or harsher than you intended.
When the translation doesn’t quite fit
When I disagree with someone, I sometimes know exactly how I would say it in Serbian. In English, I need more words, and I’m still not sure whether I’ve conveyed the same tone or how strongly I feel.
Words like bre or inat can also need an explanation. The word comes to mind immediately in Serbian. In English, I have to stop and think about which part of its meaning I want to convey.
That pause can be frustrating, especially in a disagreement. You’re already reacting to something, and now you also have to work out how to say it.
There may be a sentence in your native language that would express exactly what you mean. But the person in front of you doesn’t speak it, so you keep looking for another way.
Knowing enough of a language to communicate doesn’t necessarily mean you can express every feeling as precisely as you want to.
Who you’re talking to matters too
Sometimes the difficulty comes when you notice that the other person is struggling to follow you.
This can happen even when you feel comfortable with the language yourself. If you and the other person have different levels of fluency, a complicated thought may take more work to share.
When I notice that the other person is struggling to understand me, I start simplifying. And then I wonder whether I can still express what I really mean that way.
Research with Chinese-English bilinguals found that language, perceived cultural expectations, and the ethnicity of the conversation partner influenced aspects of how personality was expressed. This study doesn’t establish that speaking another language gives someone a separate personality. It does suggest that the social context matters alongside the language being spoken. [1]
Sometimes you do feel like yourself
There are also conversations where you barely notice which language you’re speaking.
You’re thinking in that language already. You’re focused on the conversation, and the words come without having to translate each sentence first. You can explain something complicated and feel that the other person follows you.
Then another topic comes up, or you speak to someone else, and it becomes harder again.
That is why “I don’t feel like myself in English” may describe some moments well, but not your whole experience of speaking English. You might feel completely at home discussing one part of your life and struggle to explain another.
Some feelings are easier to express in another language
For me, “I feel seen” is an example of something I find easier to say in English.
I mean that someone sees the vulnerable parts of me and understands what I need emotionally. A literal translation into Serbian doesn’t quite say that.
Sometimes English gives me a way to describe what I need from another person, or what I appreciate about how they are there for me. In those moments, I’m not searching for a Serbian word.
Research also gives us reason to be careful with the assumption that our native language is always easier for emotional expression. In one study, Russian-English bilinguals used more emotion words when describing their immigration experiences in English than in Russian. The study looked at their language use, so this doesn’t mean they felt more emotion in English. [2]
References
- Chen, S. X., & Bond, M. H. (2010). Two languages, two personalities? Examining language effects on the expression of personality in a bilingual context.
- Marian, V., & Kaushanskaya, M. (2008). Words, feelings, and bilingualism: Cross-linguistic differences in emotionality of autobiographical memories.